Introspection | Gemstone & Kalyan

Aware that the Magi was observing Kalyan with questioning, no prying, eyes, Kalyan shifted backwards ever-so-slightly, sinking down on a back hoof that had been raised indecisively. The subtle gesture moved him barely an inch backwards, but the Magi got the message and simply moved on to a different visitor to tend their needs and guide them to the prayer room. Kalyan bit back an uncomfortable apology, aware that perhaps his hesitance had been a bit rude. But then again, he was unsure of himself still, and suspicious that the Magi or Priests would try to get words out of his head that he had yet to decipher the meaning of himself.

Rarely was the stallion tongue-tied or at a loss for words. Usually given the opportunity he was overjoyed to talk at great lengths about himself, but only when the topic of discussion was his merits or a discovery he keenly understood. Without clarity, he was suddenly a soft echo, lost in the labyrinth without the right intuition to put words to his jumbled frustrations. He didn’t want to talk about it to a stranger or devotee of Argus who would only explain away his problems in relation to the Gods. But he wanted answers. And these two convictions were at war with one another.

Argus, in your all-seeing wisdom pray tell the reason for my suffering. Privately to me would be nice.

He cast a glance around the gardens and temple grounds, but to his disappointment observed no visible changes or minute stirrings in the immediate surroundings. Clearly Argus had no time to respond to his lip and would be attending to his devotees with more respectful prayers. How had he done it when he was a foal? Everything had been so easy then, when his father’s teachings meant the world to him.

He did not notice Gemstone’s approach, even with her two devil bird companions, that attracted the eyes of all others, and started when she spoke. He swung his head round to find the voice, wondering if the Magi had snuck upon him and instead found himself staring into three gazes. Six inscrutable eyes of two devil birds, and the inquisitive gaze of the child who accompanied them. It took him aback and he stared, though not impolitely, for a moment longer than he would have liked before he found his senses.

“It is… So you’re not a Magi?” He was taken aback that she was a stranger to the shrine, and therefore likely not one of its attendants. She looked too young for the position, but still could be in her training and possibly highly advanced compared to her peers. How else did the child come into possession of two devil birds unless she worked at one of the shrines or temples? And yet, the look of wonder that she cast around the gardens stirred something in him, and he regretted that he no longer regarded the shrine as he did when he was a child.

“I use to come here all the time-“ He confided, lowering his voice to not disturb the horses already inside the small prayer room, “It had to be… 15 years ago at least. Sometimes when the Magi let me, I’d sit by the koi pond and pray, sneaking glances at the fishes when no one was looking.” He sighed wistfully, “Perhaps I’m a bit too old for that now. That Magi over there seems insistent on getting me to come inside.”

The child was surprisingly candid- but Kalyan appreciated that instantly. It was far better than that attendant who spoke to him in only curious glances and gestures for him to enter the prayer room. Kalyan could hardly tell if he had accidentally offended the Magi, but this child did not seem to find anything wrong with praying by the koi pond. Even the prayer rooms reserved for only a few horses at a time where not private enough for Kal, and he didn’t feel in tune with Argus’ energy when inside. It was the gardens that inspired him, teeming with life that had to have been influenced by Argus’ nurturing touch. And so he padded after Gemstone towards the pool, casting one last wary glance towards the quiet entrance of the prayer room.

“Out here his presence is strongest to me.” Even in his muddled confusion towards the gods, this wasn’t untrue. The garden was the only part of the shrine that still preserved a nostalgic, warm memory for him. The pond was unchanged, and upon closer inspection Kal was certain some of the same pearly-white and gilded-orange fish he had seen years ago still circled within. Their paths were odd; meandering and fickle though they had roamed the same pond for many years. Uncertain, but still untroubled. Was he reading too hard into the movements of these creatures, or was the sudden perception not entirely his own?

“I- I hadn’t thought of it that way.” He replied simply. For weeks now it had seemed the only way to reach Argus was to visit the shrine. What of all the other horses who sought his guidance in their own way? “Are you from Sterling as well? I traveled all the way from there to be here.” He thought of the city so unlike Nariah, so distant from all he knew in his boyhood. “When I’m in Sterling I don’t see Argus’ visage in the streets, colors, nor the people as much as I do here. Not that I dislike the city.”

He wondered if it sounded disrespectful to Gemstone, to speak of Argus in such a way where his presence was not constant in his life. She spoke of Argus with an insight he didn’t claim to understand. “Admittedly… I’m not a devout follower. I’m only seeking him out now that I’m aware I don’t have his guidance.” He watched her then for a moment, before looking back at the wandering koi, wondering what one more attuned to Argus would think of what he had said. He wondered then why she was at the shrine, before it struck him that many did not visit only when they were plagued by unease or uncertainty. She seemed struck by wonder at the sight of the gardens, not anxious to seek council or avoiding something as he was.