try to fix these broken things | danaë & mazuku

She saw him first.

He came to a sudden halt, watching her watch him. He was frozen, feeling her gaze on him, measuring and undoubtedly finding him lacking. He watched her drop her gear, a silent command to approach her. She would not come to him, and despite his dread burning his throat, he felt something in his heart quicken, that little boy inside who still mooned over her fluffing its feathers.

Without a gods damn word, she commanded him, drew him back into that orbit, held his gaze unflinchingly as he walked towards her.

Years after she had found him- and it had been her who had found him, even though he had been the one to track her down- he found himself falling all over again.

He came to a halt a short distance away, drinking her in a long moment, gaze flickering over her. She looked far better, not drenched and shivering, but still beautiful and scorching him just the same, her eyes just as bright as when she had blown fire into the rain.

Hey, he signed, and it felt stupid to even say it, but there it was. His eyes flickered down to the gear at her feet, then back up to her.

...Feeling better?

His ears twitched, watching her sign, and he wondered, not for the first time since he’d seen her yesterday, how much had changed. This blessing was a shock to him, but it fit her, the girl with the firey eyes. He just wondered how it drained her so much. He knew Serorans almost universally despised Ignacio as well- how had that treated her? Was she an outcast now?

Her signing was stiff, the ring of her bells a sharp reprimand, and it cut into him like a cold wind. He deserved as much, but it was harder to see then he’d thought.

The return didn’t fly over his head, and he gave her a small, tight smile.

Slept fine. Nightmares, always, but that was nothing new. He’d slept deeply, soothed by being at her side again, but waking up alone had jarred him. He hesitated, wing hovering in mid air, mid sign, before slowly folding back to his side.

He signed carefully, his signs less graceful than hers, efficient without a movement wasted, but there was a strange hesitation in the way he placed his feet down, a nervous twitch to his lone wing.

Can we talk?

His name, signed to him, made something in him uncoil, chest warmed by the way she danced it into a song. He smiled, unwillingly, ducking his head to automatically try to hide it, but his eyes stayed up towards her.

Refusing to silence her again.

I should have talked to you before, He said, and his gestures were sharp, jerking accusingly towards himself. In the distance, thunder rumbled, and his ears twitched back towards it, eyes never leaving Danaë. He didn’t have to explain when he was talking about. They both knew, hovering between them like the promise of rain in the air.

I was scared. And young. And I know that’s no excuse. His wing trembled, and he fell silent, finally dropping his eyes as he stared at the ground a long moment. Thoughts and feelings he’d been trying to put words to for years hovered behind his eyes, begging to be released, but without a clear way out. He sucked in a shuddering breath.

I left because I was afraid. He said, ears pointed towards her but eyes still cast downward. Listening for her bells, but unable to meet her unyielding stare. I had to learn some things. I had to think. And I was gone longer then I wanted to be. I still don’t have all the answers I was trying to find.

He hovered mid step, one leg still raised, ears flat against his head as his eyes darted. It was already more then he’d opened up to her before. It was painful, like uncovering a wound, necessary for healing but all he wanted was to recover and sulk away into the dark, lick his wounds alone. His heart drummed in his ears, faster than he could ever remember it, beating painfully in his chest.

When I met you, I was at the lowest point of my life. And you changed everything. I had to figure out if I wanted you, or what you’d given me. What we had. Do you understand? His face twisted, trying to explain himself, his feathers bristling as he tried to untangle his own thoughts.

I thought I could find myself. I thought maybe… I could find my family.

And this was where his heart stuttered, and his face suddenly dropped, vulnerable and lost, before it closed, shuttered, turning his face away in a reflexive attempt to hide. He’d never told her, where he came from. He barely knew himself. His head pulsed, wanting to swallow the memories, push them away, but he fought against it, his chest heaving as his breathing suddenly picked up.

She danced for him once more, spelling out his damnation with the death bells ringing his name.

The lone tear fell as lightning streaked across the sky.

He stepped closer, eyes flickering over her face.

_{What do you want?}

“You did know me,” He breathed, forgetting to sign, his eyes searching hers. “You knew the best of me.”

In the distance, rain began to drizzle, drumming on the drenched earth, growing steadily closer like a marching army. His ear flicked towards it, but his eyes never left hers.

“You saw the best of me. When no one else did. When I didn’t. And that scared the hell outta me. When little- when Lucie saw me, when she looked at me, I felt like the worst person in the world. I wanted to deserve her. I wanted to deserve you.”


The clouds rumbled, rain falling in fat drops, splashing onto him and rapidly gaining speed.

And Mazuku was left standing under it, drenched in moments, ears flat and his eyes wide and the tears that had started to fall lost in the rain.

“She deserves better,” He choked. “You deserve better. Then him. Then me.”

Tears scorched his eyes and he blinked hard, water falling in rivulets down his face as he gasped, sucking in a desperate gulp of air, feeling as though he were drowning in the river again. A violent tremor swept through him, wing rattling at his side.

_{What do you want?}

“I want to be better. For you. For her.” His voice came out rough, rasping, choking like he’d been drowning, each breath feeling like shards of glass in his lungs. His feathers stood on end, reacting to a threat that came from inside, shivering in the damp as rain slid between them.

He deserved none of this. Every step in his life had been on the wrong path, willingly placed down, and it wasn’t until he had walked along others that he had realized the other road was far better traveled.

Years he’d walked alone again, trying to find this new, better path. Trying to find one that would lead him to being a better man. But at the end of every turn was the same Mazuku, the same abandoned child, staring back at him. The same family who had left him, the same one he had left behind.

“I’m sorry I’m not better yet.” His voice cracked. “But I thought I lost you both. And I- I realized I couldn’t wait to get better.”

The tips of his primaries touched her face, trembling in reverent caress, sliding over her cheek as he stepped in still closer, breath steaming between them into a single cloud.

_{What do you want?}

“I want you,” He whispered, lips brushing hers as he spoke.

His eyes burned, inches away, wide, wet and honest, bright with fear, soaked hair hanging over his face. He had been so scared of this, had dreamed of this, had wanted this for so long. And even now the blind terror of it stuck in his throat, squeezed it like a noose. She could send him away and he’d never trouble her again, but the idea of it was like losing his other wing. He didn’t know if he could bear the loss of her and Lucie. He didn’t know if he could leave this thrice damned country of hers. Of theirs.

The rain pelted him, punishing but cleansing, leaving nothing in its wake as he swayed into her.

He kissed her, and it was the first breath out of the river. It was the first time his wings had tasted the sky. It was the glow of her fire in the rain.

It was home.