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Post by sunibath on Sept 18, 2019 23:48:02 GMT -6
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F A L T E R
"To lose momentum or strength"
Acuna x Esin
Location: New lake of Osulas, Sedo
Time: Mid morning - Sunny Weather |
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Post by sunibath on Sept 18, 2019 23:58:43 GMT -6
The morning had so far been beautiful, but sweltering, uncomfortable thoughts had finally encased the mare into a fog, one that seemed unescapable. It was hard to breathe, and it was hard to think clearly for the most part. Acuna was trying so hard to swim out of the jealous, and stupid thoughts that captured her but today, she was struggling to reach the top of what she believed was a watery demise of her mind. Acuna had come to help the people of Serora, especially her family and friends to create a shrine to dear old Alya. But, alas, the jealousy, anger and just the mere thought of Ayla was a struggle to keep ahold of.
Acuna had not been there for the presence of Ayla, and thus felt like the worst person in the world. Her friends, and dear cousin Danae had seen Ayla. And as much as she tried not to snap or at least be cross at the thought of her cousin meeting with Ayla, she couldn't be more happy for her. She deserved it, Acuna would tell herself; She deserved it.
It might have been the heat of Ignacio's sun or even the growing amount of equines contributing to the site, but Acuna felt sick to her gut. She felt left out. Acuna didn't know what it was like to stand in front of Ayla, but wished she had been there. Even if she had been contributing to the Kawaru cause, she felt like shit for not being here with everyone else. As Acuna's golden eyes glanced around the crowd, she knew this was becoming about herself now and not the shrine dedicated to Ayla.
She needed breathing space, or at least time to get out of this funk.
"Stupid Acuna, stupid, stupid." The mare whispered, sitting at the water's edge with her hooves slightly dipping into the water. There was not much the mare could do - she believed so anyway. With a gentle look towards her hoof, she noticed the bracelet she managed to gain on her travels. One that spoke of her god, the sky mother and her sky, her creation. With a gentle sigh, she mumbled gently.
"Is it worth entrusting my faith into you anymore..?"
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Post by kajeayn on Sept 19, 2019 2:07:08 GMT -6
It was easy to be swept away in the tides of emotion ebbing around her, the pulse and flow of her friends here to help, their bright, cheerful auras filling her lungs with sunlight, making her feel as light as a leaf on the wind, until she half felt as though she may sprout wings at any moment and float away. She soaked it in, smiling and laughing with her friends, touching noses and agreeing with plans to build her shrine. Her first shrine, she’d been looking forward to this since she was a child, and now as a freshly instated mullah, she would build it where she saw Alya for the first time. It was perfect, everything was perfect, and yet…. Someone was not happy. She watched Acuna slip away from the group, disappearing around the rocky outcroppings, and she hesitated, ears swiveling. This group was here at her request, mostly, and to walk away felt like being a poor host, but she couldn’t ignore Acuna’s drooping ears, her slow, plodding walk away from a happy gathering. She turned, touching her nose to Bellona’s neck, flashing a smile up at her. “You go help with the others,” She said, glancing over at Danae, ears flicking towards her. She trusted Danae to keep everyone on task, and that the others would all be fine without her for a short while. “I’ll be right back, I’ll be getting some rocks from the lake.” She said lightly, and it wasn’t quite a lie, but she didn’t want to draw attention to the scarred mare. She dipped her head at the others as she slipped past, beads clinking and swaying as she moved lightly over the hot rock and sands, stepping down the outcropping as she made her way after where Acuna had gone. It wasn’t hard to find her- she’d only made it as far as the lake, Esin realized, pausing as she watched her, sitting and staring down into the lake’s reflection. Her sharp ears caught the whisper, and she nearly flattened them- it wasn’t for her to hear. Her face softened, worry and sympathy flooding her eyes as she walked closer, making no secret of her approach. She stood at Acuna’s side, her shadow falling into the water alongside hers. “...May I join you?”
post: #1 WC: #384 |
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Post by sunibath on Sept 19, 2019 2:56:13 GMT -6
Acuna watched her reflection, as the water's gentle tides hit the rocks in front of her. In a way, she was in her own world but not enough to not notice the world around her. Apart from the laughter and talk from behind her, the only other sounds she could hear was the water. In Acuna's mind, the water was calming, but it wasn't enough. It wasn't enough to calm the storm within her, that was slowly filling the glass to the very top. The mare felt the watery storm within her rising still, as she tried to shut her eyes to stop the welling of tears.
But the voice of another seemed to clear the fog for a brief moment, to stop the tears from falling. Taking a small breath, Acuna looked up and her eyes locked onto the form of Esin, the mare who planned the occasion for this shrine. Acuna felt even worse. With a small but shy smile, Acuna responded, "Sure," the mare looked back to the water, looking up at the wall of what was the Oasis, "I was just getting a breather of sorts." Acuna wasn't lying, but she wasn't exactly truthful.
"Aaaand, I was just admiring the lake." She added, grinning in an awkward fashion. Casting a glance back to the mullah, she looked rather interesting. Her outfit was rather fitting, for a mullah. The designs were beautiful and Acuna really wished she had an outfit like that.
"It's also a beautiful day to create this shrine," Acuna smiled softly, before her ears flicked back and she paused for a moment, thinking if she should continue or not. Lowering her head, the mare went quiet again to think of what else to say, trying not to make it awkward since Acuna had been on her own for a few minutes. |
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Post by kajeayn on Sept 19, 2019 3:27:11 GMT -6
Esin settled in to sit at her side, dipping her front hooves into the water as Acuna had done, relishing in the feeling of the cool water lapping at her ankles. She could still see it clearly in her mind’s eye, Alya silhouetted against the sun, great astral wings spread open as water rushed forth. It had only been a glimpse, but it had been seared firmly into her mind. For a moment, just a moment, she thought about those wings and let the longing flood her chest, before she let it go, a ripple on the water moving away from shore. She let it go on a slow breath, well practiced. She had no blessings that would give her further insight into the other mare’s mind, but she was not blind. She knew what someone on the verge of tears looked like, eyes distant and sad, smile forced and uncomfortable. Misery came off her in waves. She wondered, not for the first time, about the scars that traced her body, her eyes trailing the pattern briefly. There was a story there, a story Esin should probably never ask about, but still, she wondered. She shifted, shoulder just barely brushing against Acuna’s. “It is a beautiful day,” Esin agreed, gazing out across the water. She turned her head, eyes sweeping over Acuna. “Too beautiful for someone to look so troubled.” She added gently, giving her a soft smile. “...If you would like to talk about it, I’d be happy to listen." She said softly.
post: #2 WC: #254 |
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Post by sunibath on Sept 19, 2019 4:10:32 GMT -6
Acuna paused briefly, listening to Esin.
The mare contemplated on opening up to the Mullah, especially when everything that the mare had kept to herself had been because of a promise she had made years ago, towards one of her own. With an ear flick, the mare breathed through her nose as she finally casted her gaze to Essie. It was a hesitant look, especially all she was keeping to herself.
"I'm guessing you could tell, huh." Acuna breathlessly laughed, for only a moment. Laughing felt old, being loud and rambunctious felt wrong. There were small things that equines could consider natural, and yet Acuna wouldn't feel comfortable with it. With another odd pause, Acuna hesitated; her voice faltered as she tried to speak. "If I o-open.. up about what's wrong, can you be honest with me about how you feel about it?" Acuna didn't know if it was right to open up about a secrets she promised to keep, but what she was secretive about felt wrong.
"It's rare I talk about them," Acuna admitted, looking down at their hooves in the water for a moment, just a moment "But, I've just had no one to open up to about it. It just feels like I can't trust anyone with them." Acuna's feeling of shame radiated off her, as she looked up to Ayla's sky. This had been the first time since she had been this open about such a thing; since opening up about her secrets and her family issues were... almost non-existent.
"I can't even talk to Danae about it; a part of it anyway," Acuna added, folding her ears once more before turning her head back to the group behind them, who looked like they were having fun. Her eyes locked on Danae, who seemed to be jingling her bells around while she tried to decorate the place. "I don't want to burden her, neither you or anyone with my issues. They're probably stupid and insignificant anyway." |
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Post by kajeayn on Sept 19, 2019 4:45:47 GMT -6
Her ears flicked up, surprised by how earnest Acuna was, before her eyes softened as she looked at her. Whatever this great secret was, it was weighing her down tremendously, and her heart ached to see the girl so despondent. She needed someone to talk to, desperately, and how long had she been looking for that? How long had she been holding this- whatever it was- in? She steeled her shoulders, feeling the weight of Acuna’s pain settle on them. She could shoulder this burden with her. She was a mullah, this is what she had been trained for, and this was their duty- but it was also the duty of a friend. Acuna needed both, it sounded like. She sent up a swift prayer for guidance and wisdom to Alya, sitting in silence for a long moment, listening to the soft lap of the water and the distant voices of their friends before she finally answered. “Nothing that troubles you so could be insignificant,” She promised, looking at Acuna in concern. She leaned forward, gently nudging her nose against the palomino’s shoulder. “But by Alya’s moons, I promise you I will not break your trust, and that I will be honest.” She said seriously, looking at Acuna, all three eyes flickering over her face. She leaned closer, lowering her voice conspiratorially. “ Between you and I, I’m not very good at lying, anyway.” She admitted, flashing a smile at her. “And you will never be a burden, Acuna.” She added earnestly, smile softening.
post: #3 WC: #253 |
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Post by sunibath on Sept 19, 2019 6:18:48 GMT -6
Acuna felt the gentle push against her side, causing a rather soft grin but she shook her head in a disagreeable manner, "I have to disagree, I am utter disappointment." Acuna was blatant, but honest. She knew what she was, especially with what people have been telling her anyway. "I'm a disappointment to Ayla." The mare added, her braids moving when she looked Essie in the eyes. Her eyes started to swell a little, but not into tears; not as of yet anyway.
"I'm one of her children, and yet I doubt she sees me ever." Acuna snorted, her ears folding back at the thought. The mare could remember the dream she kept on having; the one where the round around her was encased in darkness. A void of sorts. But Ayla was there, or at least what was a constellation of her with the moons and clouds blocking her out. This dream would sometimes change, with either the physical embodiment of Ayla or even sometimes, she'd be talking to others who the god could see. "I'm the cursed of her devout; she'd never care for a wingless child who only dreams to fly." Acuna snarled, her eyebrows furrowing at the thought of the god.
"She never talks to me, or even sees that I'm suffering. And I want to fly, but it's torture seeing other equines with wings." Acuna added, splashing the water with her hoof that wasn't closest to Essie. She was visibly upset now. Tears started to stream a little, but she was yet to notice. Acuna snorted softly and shook her head, letting the tears roll slowly down her cheeks.
"That ain't even the half of it."
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Post by kajeayn on Sept 19, 2019 6:44:42 GMT -6
Her ears flicked up at the raw venom in Acuna’s voice, surprised at how genuinely angry she sounded, even as her eyes brimmed with tears that didn’t yet fall. Esin’s ears fell, gazing at Acuna somberly as she spoke, listening and weighing each heavy word as they fell like stones into the lake. She could relate, painfully so. The burden of being wingless when beloved by a goddess of pegasi was a pain Esin knew well, surrounded by winged brethren and swallowing her own jealousy. She knew she was marked by Argus, a common horse marked by their third eye, but she held little love for the god of the arcane. She secretly hoped Alya had more of a hoof in her creation then the arcane god, being a child of Sedo, but she may never know. To hear that someone else suffered the same jealousies and pain broke her head, and she leaned wordlessly more against Acuna, a silent support as she spoke. She glanced down at Acuna’s bracelet, the emblem of Alya she wore. It was beautiful, a piece of art depicting Alya’s sky, and Esin realized suddenly that the bracelet must only evoke feelings of bitterness in Acuna, if she felt so cursed by her goddess. “What’s the other half?” She asked when silence had fallen, voice gentle as she looked up at Acuna. She didn’t offer her thoughts yet, waiting instead for Acuna to finish, both ears pointing towards her as she leaned lightly against her, the water rippling gently away from them both, their reflections mixing.
post: #4 WC: #261 |
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Post by sunibath on Sept 19, 2019 7:12:55 GMT -6
(( Warning Below: Abuse))
Acuna could feel her heart rate rise, especially when Esin was curious about the larger part of her secret. The mare couldn't help but feel nervous, especially when Acuna was breaking the promise to her toxic family member. Her eyes continued to stream with tears, but at this rate she couldn't care. If she wanted to, she'd shout across the lake. For everyone to hear. But then again, she had to keep this quiet; or at least only so Essie could hear. With her ears now pressed against her skull and eyebrows furrowed, she continued.
"My mother treats me like absolute shit. Verbally and physically." Acuna admitted, shaking her head at the thought of the demon. From the tone of her voice, it was very clear Acuna disliked her mother a whole lot more than she was letting on. "When it came to choose my path that 'I' want, she forced me to take on as a Planter, and not as a screamer or something else that I'd enjoy!' Acuna was visibly mad, especially as her anger continued to rise; to the point of breaking. Acuna gritted her teeth, trying to hide the amount of pain and disgust which was breaking through her voice.
"And not only that," She snarled, looking to Essie with fear in her eyes as she spoke, "I say to people that these.. these 'scars' are from Dingo attacks because I have to keep what they truely are a secret." Acuna couldn't say anymore, as her voice had wavered enough. The young mare closed her eyes for a moment, as she managed to get one last thing out,
"She... She destroyed things I loved, things I.. I cherished..," Acuna tried to breathe through the now bucketing tears that rolled down her face. Her form shook, from how long she had been holding it in for. "My mother said to me that I have to keep this a secret, otherwise 'it's more than the pictures that burn."
Acuna was terrified, now that she had released that information to Esin. She was scared of what she'd think, what she'd say. Acuna's body was still shaking, but nonetheless, she felt... better? Better that she had gotten that out, but she had a hunch the feeling wouldn't last for that long. The anxiety would build and it would be an endless cycle. Lowering her head onto the rock, she used her hooves which had been in the water to cover her face. She felt like a disgrace, especially crying on a day that should be revered and celebrated. It was about Ayla, not Acuna. |
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Post by kajeayn on Sept 19, 2019 7:30:34 GMT -6
Esin’s eyes widened as the truth spilled out, in tears spilling down into the lake, in terrified eyes and thick bands of scars winding over a golden coat. Things began to click, settling into place with a frightening ease, and she shook her head as her mind whirled, trying to piece it all together- why had she not seen what was happening? Why had no one else? She pushed the thoughts away, heart breaking as she followed Acuna down to the ground, half on top of her as she wrapped her forelegs over her in a tight embrace, body curled over her as though she could shield her. “It’s all right,” She whispered, teke glowing as she gently pulled at Acuna’s hooves. “Acuna. Let it out, it’s all right.” Her teke still active, she wet part of her scarf, gently touching the cool fabric to Acuna’s cheek, wiping away tears. She nuzzled her face into Acuna’s wild mane, her own tears burning the back of her throat, stubbornly blinking them back. She would not allow Acuna to see her own tears, the sympathy that swelled painfully in her. She had been suffering in silence, and none had seen it. No wonder she felt so ignored and slighted by her goddess, if she was imprisoned at home and no one had reached out to help. But this was how Alya worked. She couldn’t involve herself directly, but Esin could. Esin would.
“It’s all right now,” She soothed again, a little fiercer, holding her a little tighter. She didn’t press her for more, didn’t share her thoughts yet, simply held Acuna as she shook.
post: #5 WC: #272 |
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Post by sunibath on Sept 19, 2019 7:53:09 GMT -6
Acuna's body continued to shake, as she silently sobbed beside the crystal blue waters of Osulas. The mare enjoyed the comfort of the Mullah, especially the fact she was so accepting of this, accepting of what Acuna had shared. In a way, Acuna was grateful for the fact that Esin had been there to listen to her. It was sweet, especially now.
"...This feels weird.." Acuna spoke up after a small while of just continuous sobbing, "The feeling of opening up." There was some numbness, even if the pain hadn't fully gone away. For Acuna, it felt like everything had lifted from her chest but was still present. The young mare didn't understand, especially now. But her mind was still too all over the shop to understand, to think correctly.
"I'm so sorry for being a blubbering fledgling." Acuna whispered gently, opening her now glassy, golden eyes to stare back at whom she now considered as a close companion, Esin. Being able to open up to the Mullah helped her feel a little less worse for wear, but it didn't stop what was going on around her. No discussions with Ayla, her mother was still disgustingly rude and Acuna was still blubbering.
Nothing really had changed; just Acuna opening up had changed.
"I know my rambling is stupid and i'm just stupid in general. I don't know what is the right way to talk about things like this. But it's hard and I doubt anyone would understand," Acuna folded her ears back for a moment, before they flicked forward in time with a few sniffles, "Apart from you, you're a Mullah and trained for situations like this." Acuna added, looking away for a moment
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Post by kajeayn on Sept 19, 2019 8:40:55 GMT -6
“Don’t say those things,” Esin said at once, her tone gentle but firm, scarf in her teke slipping under Acuna’s chin to lift it, meeting her eyes. “You’re speaking about my friend. Don’t say she’s stupid,” She chided, touching her nose to Acuna’s cheek. “Opening up is difficult,” She said quietly, wetting her scarf again and cleaning Acuna’s face, pressing the cool cloth to her glassy eyes to soothe them. “It’s frightening, and it hurts. So it’s also very brave. Thank you for trusting me,” She said sincerely, wiping away Acuna’s tears. “I’m glad you told me about this, Acuna.” She went on, smiling slightly at the mare, though it was pained. “I am trained, but I’m also your friend. Any of your friends would understand, or at least try.” She thought of Danae, who trusted secrets of her own to Esin. Danae deserved far more credit from Acuna, Esin thought, but it wasn’t her place to say. She was quiet, teke glowing as she kept busy, dabbing at Acuna’s face, fixing her hair from where Esin had buried her face into it, all while still leaning over her, forelegs still holding on. “If I may, I’d like to confide something in you as well. I may be a mullah, I may be trained but… I have never spoken with Alya. She addressed our group here at the lake, but she has never reached out to me personally.” She smiled, ducking her head, leaning against Acuna’s neck. “Alya works in strange ways, sometimes. She can’t be involved directly in our lives, as much as she may wish so, and so she must send others. I truly believe she wanted me to help you, and I will.” She said, and she knew she would do whatever it took to help Acuna. “She gives us the means to help ourselves. She brought us new water. She brought you and I together. She made you strong, strong enough to tell me, and strong enough to overcome this.” She promised. “We will figure it out. Please don’t take Alya’s silence personally, it’s just not the right time. She’ll reach out when you’re ready for her.” She reassured, teke stroking soothingly through Acuna’s hair.
post: #6 WC: 369 |
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Post by galekxy on Dec 23, 2019 9:41:09 GMT -6
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